I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
