Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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