God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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