Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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