Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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