I'm lost and stupid without you.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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