I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
