While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
