I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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