Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize