Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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