why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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