i was born a porn star she said
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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