toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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