Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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