A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
