it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
