Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am midnight drunk by noon
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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