at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
