i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Drunk is not a location!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
