Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
