Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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