I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
