My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
