So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
