I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
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