and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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