If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
