she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
