mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize