My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
