Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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