Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I skipped work to stalk him.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Randomize
