at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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