on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
