My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
