I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
