I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The struggles of a small town man whore
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
