Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
