Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
this will be a night to untag.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
