Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
