so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
