if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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