Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
