I heard we made out
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
