covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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