On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he quoted the bible to break up with me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize