just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
