My balls are so social today.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
