I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
