you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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