you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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