Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
