So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
