she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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