When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
