I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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