I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
