What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
