I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
