I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
