listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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