I'm really into asian looking animals
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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