so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
