I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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